Everything is Shit

August 17, 2009

Touching Base

Filed under: Perhaps not Everything — Harvey Mudd @ 7:39 am

Today this blog is one year old, which is ironic considering I haven’t written for quite a while, which hasn’t been fair to my three readers (and after they stuck with me all this time too!) I’ve been sick, unfortunately, for most of this year. The good news is the Veterans Administration found out about me and wanted to know where their missing disabled veteran had been since 1986 (ok, it wasn’t exactly like that, but close enough.) So, now I have medical care, I’m slowly getting well, and I may have a chance at finishing grad school, so all is not lost.

While I was sick (at least sicker than I am now) I got so wrapped up in my own problems that I sort of left the internet. I did a few things here and there, wrote a review on Amazon, but I didn’t check my email (or for that matter my snail mail) for two months. Yes, it cost me some money, but it also cost the feelings of a friend of mine who lives overseas: he thought I had ended the friendship for some unknown reason. I was just so self absorbed with my own fears that I forgot about everyone else. I did a lot of apologizing over it but I was lucky he is one of those people who truly forgive and forget, and do so quickly.

My Google rankings have resolved themselves: If you google “Everything is Shit” you will find this blog on page one of the search, and its been that way for a couple of months, so I guess they decided I’m not affiliated with that Nigerian Prince that keeps trying to give me all that money. Perhaps I was wrong about Google, and they are not shit after all.

In the meantime I made some new friends this year, and they are a riot:  a group of Native American Harley riding Trekkies who dress as Klingons and ride around looking ferocious (they are actually some of the sweetest people I’ve met in decades.) I think they want me to to join them in their escapades, but I’m not sure that’s me — I just enjoy their company.

May 27, 2009

What the Hell . . .

Filed under: Nasty People, Perhaps not Everything, Shitty — Harvey Mudd @ 9:52 am

Whadda Ya know? I wrote that post about google a week or so ago and now if you do a search for “everything is shit” — without quotes —  I’m on page one. Maybe they listened? With all the gazzilion voices out there could it be true? I don’t know, but its pretty cool anyway.

On the bad side, I cleared over a hundred spam comments out of my Akismet comment queue today. You people are costing me time. In fact, from this moment forward you are on notice: all spam comments (defined as comments that provide even a single link to any product being sold) will never see the light of day, will be deleted, and if I ever get lucky enough to find out who you are, be advised that I consider the time you are stealing from me to be valuable and I will charge you accordingly. The current rate that I am charging (subject to change at any time for any reason or no reason at all, with or without announcement, and may be backcharged to posts that were deleted BEFORE I changed the rate) is $10 per comment that you force me to delete. If you still choose to post spam comments, be advised that you are agreeing to the contractual relationship described above, and if I do find you, I will come to collect it with lawyers, guns and money (and you are agreeing to that too.) Have a nice day.

(Comments that are not spam [defined as comments that link to any non commercial site that is demonstrably relevant to the topic I am writing about] are not only excluded from the contractual relationship described above, but are welcome.)

October 25, 2008

Wine in a Box

Filed under: Perhaps not Everything — Harvey Mudd @ 4:08 pm

My middle class friends often tease me for having a box of wine in my fridge. I just pour them another glass and don’t bother to tell them is not only is it cheaper, but that I was advised to do so by several top flight chefs. Did you know that if you take a random sample of people and have them taste several wines, the two in each group who will prefer the same wines will always be the expert and the guy who usually drinks beer?

Can you guess which guy I am?

If you must have your wine in a bottle, here are a few good yet inexpensive suggestions.

Wine that is not shit:

Lanson Black Label Brut NV
$28
***
Dry and refreshing, with snappy acidity and mineral and citrus flavors. (Importer: Caravelle Wine Selections, Avon, Conn.)

Louis de Sacy Brut Grand Cru NV
$27
***
Toasty and full bodied with a creamy texture and persistent flavors. (House of Burgundy, Port Chester, N.Y.)

Paul Goerg Blanc de Blancs NV
$26
***
Yeasty, toasty aromas, with persistent, complex floral and fruit flavors. (U.S.A. Wine Imports, New York)

Pierre Gimmonet & Fils Brut Blanc de Blancs NV
$29
**½
Unusually complex and persistent flavors of apples, minerals and anise. (Michael Skurnik Wines/Terry Theise Estate Selection, Syosset, N.Y.)

Nicolas Feuillatte Brut NV
$24
**½
Bright and substantial, with citrus and floral flavors; not quite bone dry. (Pasternak Wine Imports, Harrison, N.Y.)

Pannier Brut Sélection NV
$25
**½
Rich and full bodied, lively and fresh, with yeasty, floral flavors. (Martin Scott Wines, Lake Success, N.Y.)

Pommery Brut Royal NV
$27
**½
Rich, with mineral aromas and nutlike flavors. (W. J. Deutsch & Sons, White Plains)

Jacquart Mosaïque NV
$27
**
Toasty caramel aromas with creamy, tropical flavors. (Tri-Vin Imports, Mount Vernon, N.Y.)

Deutz Brut Classic NV
$30
**
Straightforward, but lively and refreshing. (Maison Marques & Domaines, Oakland, Calif.)

Charles Lafitte Brut NV
$27
**
Full bodied and fruity with intriguing fruit flavors; slightly sweet. (Vranken America, New York)

October 23, 2008

Roger’s Rules

Filed under: Perhaps not Everything — Harvey Mudd @ 2:40 pm

Ranger Units first appeared in continental America in the early 1600s and Ranger units today still carry on the legacy of those early units: small, light infantry, using improvised and unconventional tactics, operating deep in enemy territory to conduct reconnaissance and swift attacks. Roger’s Rules — the fictional version below was still memorized by Rangers as recently as 1982 — are part of the reason why:

  • Don’t forget nothing.
  • Have your musket clean as a whistle, hatchet scoured, sixty rounds powder and ball, and be ready to march at a minute’s warning.
  • When you’re on the march, act the way you would if you was sneaking up on a deer. See the enemy first.
  • Tell the truth about what you see and what you do. There is an army depending on us for correct information. You can lie all you please when you tell other folks about the Rangers, but don’t never lie to a Ranger or officer.
  • Don’t never take a chance you don’t have to.
  • When we’re on the march we march single file, far enough apart so one shot can’t go through two men.
  • If we strike swamps, or soft ground, we spread out abreast, so it’s hard to track us.
  • When we march, we keep moving till dark, so as to give the enemy the least possible chance at us.
  • When we camp, half the party stays awake while the other half sleeps.
  • If we take prisoners, we keep ‘em separate till we have had time to examine them, so they can’t cook up a story between ‘em.
  • Don’t ever march home the same way. Take a different route so you won’t be ambushed.
  • No matter whether we travel in big parties or little ones, each party has to keep a scout 20 yards ahead, 20 yards on each flank, and 20 yards in the rear so the main body can’t be surprised and wiped out.
  • Every night you’ll be told where to meet if surrounded by a superior force.
  • Don’t sit down to eat without posting sentries.
  • Don’t sleep beyond dawn. Dawn’s when the French and Indians attack.
  • Don’t cross a river by a regular ford.
  • If somebody’s trailing you, make a circle, come back onto your own tracks, and ambush the folks that aim to ambush you.
  • Don’t stand up when the enemy’s coming against you. Kneel down, lie down, hide behind a tree.
  • Let the enemy come till he’s almost close enough to touch, then let him have it and jump out and finish him up with your hatchet.
  • The real rules are much more precise but contain essentially the same information.

    October 21, 2008

    Parents

    Filed under: Perhaps not Everything — Harvey Mudd @ 1:15 pm

    When I was maybe 13 I had some kind of problem, and I asked my Mom what to do and like most parents she had been there and knew what to do. I was as impressed as only a kid could be and said, “Mom, you’re so smart.”

    She smiled and replied, “A year from now you will think I’m the dumbest person you ever met.”

    “What!” I exclaimed, “No!”

    “You’ll see.” she said, smiled and walked into the kitchen.

    I was completely perplexed by her enigmatic reply, it just didn’t seem conceivable, you see, both my parents really are smart, and if anything she is a bit smarter of the two.

    Sure enough, shortly after I turned 14 she and I were having one of the first of the arguments teenagers have with their parents as they start to grow and think for themselves. My Mom countered something I said and I replied, “That’s stupid.” Quick as a flash she replied, “You remember when I told you that you would think I was stupid within a year?”

    My jaw hit the floor, she was right. I hadn’t meant to be mean or cocky, I really did think her argument was dumb, something I had never thought of either of my parents. I was completely sideswiped, I had no answer because I knew she was right. In fact, I realized that before I wouldn’t have thought the same argument was dumb. “What . . . what changed?” I asked.

    That’s when she got me, “You are starting to grow up. Boys do that. You are starting to think for yourself. Its normal. Don’t worry, in a few more years you will have enough practice thinking and realize I’m not stupid after all.”

    Oooooooohhh! Was I irritated by THAT one!

    She was right of course, and with that little trick she was able to get me to pay attention to her closely enough that I actually managed to benefit from her experience and wisdom. Parents.

    October 20, 2008

    Commitment

    Filed under: Perhaps not Everything — Harvey Mudd @ 1:08 pm
    Recognizing that I volunteered as a Ranger, fully knowing the hazards of my chosen profession, I will always endeavor to uphold the prestige, honor, and high esprit de corps of my Ranger battalion.
    Acknowledging the fact that a Ranger is a more elite soldier who arrives at the cutting edge of battle by land, sea, or air, I accept the fact that as a Ranger my country expects me to move further, faster and fight harder than any other soldier.
    Never shall I fail my comrades. I will always keep myself mentally alert, physically strong and morally straight and I will shoulder more than my share of the task whatever it may be, one-hundred-percent and then some.
    Gallantly will I show the world that I am a specially selected and well-trained soldier. My courtesy to superior officers, neatness of dress and care of equipment shall set the example for others to follow.
    Energetically will I meet the enemies of my country. I shall defeat them on the field of battle for I am better trained and will fight with all my might. Surrender is not a Ranger word. I will never leave a fallen comrade to fall into the hands of the enemy and under no circumstances will I ever embarrass my country.
    Readily will I display the intestinal fortitude required to fight on to the Ranger objective and complete the mission though I be the lone survivor.

    Rangers Lead The Way!..”All the way!”

    October 15, 2008

    Ranger Legends

    Filed under: Perhaps not Everything — Harvey Mudd @ 12:00 pm

    I have a soft spot for Rangers, from the Dunedain of Middengeard, to my first pickup truck (a Ford Ranger), to the U.S. army’s legendary 75th light infantry regiment, to the Anla’Shok of Babylon 5. So it should probably come as no surprise that when it came to the Babylon 5 movie, The Legend of the Rangers:  to Live and Die in Starlight, I was willing to cut the movie a bit more slack than most B5 fans. Still, I’m covinced I’m justified in doing so, despite my obvious bias.

    We are Rangers.

    We walk in the dark places no others will enter.

    We stand on the bridge, and no one may pass.

    We live for the One, we die for the One.

    ——   Oath of the Anla’Shok

    All TV shows have their lousy episodes, and in B5 lore the three worst episodes are Infection,  Grey 17 is Missing, and the stand alone movie Legend of the Rangers; yet, when someone described Legend as being worse than Infection, I just had to say something:

    Serious problems but . . . Worse than Infection? That’s saying quite a bit. I have to agree this film has some serious problems, for example, the Kung Fu weapons sequence is literally embarrassing, even if you watch it alone. Yet even the idea of a gunner immersed in a VR system (sans the kicking and screaming) was interesting — with some work it could have been interesting. Moreover, the chemistry between the crew was much better than that in the original pilot, especially between the captain and his second in command.

    Rather than chronicle the flaws in this movie — and they are legion — I will just say this: the critics of this film are correct in every detail. I cannot find a single particular where you would be wrong (right down to the quality of the video); however, if you step back and see the totality of this pilot (and what it could have become, warts and all) it becomes more enjoyable. The story is predictable, but that was exactly the the technique used by JMS in the original B5: to give the audience a predictable story, with stereotypical characters, and then slowly have them begin to behave and evolve in ways you never would have expected.

    There are even a few moments which, far from being embarrassing, bring it all back (the last scene where G’Kar says his famous line about B5, and they show the Babylon station, actually got an emotional reaction from me and the people I was watching the show with.

    Deeply flawed, but as G’Kar would say, not without hope.

    Why is this important? I suppose it isn’t. On the other hand, I have a friend who is a graduate student of English literature, who honestly believes that, when it comes to science fiction, constitutional rights should be probably be suspended. She HATES SciFi, despises it, has contempt for the people who love it. Well, most of us — she will make a few exceptions.

    One day I invited her to a B5 party, but didn’t tell her it was a B5 party. We passed out popcorn and merlot and excitedly plopped our bottoms on the carpet as the opening scenes of the B5 pilot began to unfold. I could almost feel her groan . . . but she stuck it out.

    Later, after the guests left, she kind of sidled up to me and asked, “Do you have any more of those Babylon 5 shows?”

    To make a long story short, that woman was a machine. She went through my entire collection of B5 DVDs like a starving wolf through fresh meat. Five years worth of a TV series were virtually consumed by this woman, sometimes as much as seven episodes at a time. All six movies were attended to as if they were religious canon. The spinoff Crusade was hungrily appreciated, and the Lost Tales were savored as if by an addict. She even got jealous of Delenn at one point.

    Yeah, she liked it.

    One day, long after we finished watching the last episode of the series, I got my hands on Legend of the Rangers, and we watched it together. After it was over she said, “I can’t believe I forgot what an incredibly good show that was. Do you still have those DVDs? I’d really like to watch it all again someday.”

    I don’t know if B5 is important, but I had the same reaction to it as I did to Lord of the Rings – if either world was real I would go there like a shot. I would pay good money, a lot of it, just to be a lurker on the B5 station. Does that make it good literature? No, of course not, but B5 is a compelling story, portrayed in an equally compelling setting. I have a sneaking suspicion that the B5 Universe — including Legend of the Rangers – will someday be much, much more than just a cult classic.

    —————–

    “There is a greater darkness than the one we fight. It is the darkness of the soul that has lost its way. The war we fight is not against powers and principalities, it is against chaos and despair. Greater than the death of flesh is the death of hope, the death of dreams. Against this peril we can never surrender. The future is all around us, waiting in moments of transition, to be born in moments of revelation. No one knows the shape of that future, or where it will take us. We know only that it is always born in pain.” — The Book of G’Quan

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